原文链接：How to Survive Your 40s

作者身为女性，40 岁后感觉到的变化是在法国的咖啡馆里称呼从 Mademoiselle（小姐）逐渐变成了 Madame（女士），而她的女儿则更直接：“妈妈，你不老，但你确实也不年轻了。” 尽管年轻年老是一个相对的概念，但 40 岁似乎是一个分水岭，作者在文章里讨论了 40 岁的好与坏。

无论是将要 40 还是已经 40，读读这篇文章都有助于心理建设。类似中国人常说「四十不惑」，虽然我一直有些困惑这个「不惑」指的是静态的完成还是动态的演进。

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And age 40 still feels pivotal. “The 40s are when you become who you are,” a British author in his 70s tells me, adding ominously, “And if you don’t know by your 40s, you never will.”

40 岁让人觉得很关键，一名英国作家在 70 来岁时告诉我：“40 来岁是你成就自己的时候。” 他预言式地补充 “如果你 40 来岁还没活明白，那你也就不过尔尔了”

I’m starting to see that as a madame, even a newly minted one, I am subject to new rules. When I try to act adorably naïve now, people aren’t charmed — they’re baffled. Cluelessness no longer goes with my face. I’m expected to wait in the correct line at airports and show up on time for my appointments.

我开始以成年人的视角看待事物，即使只是一名新晋的成年人，我遵守新的规则。现在当我表现得可爱地天真时，人们不为所动，反而很困惑。我不再表现得毫无头绪。人们指望我在机场时不排错队，每次约会按时出现。

And yet brain research shows that in the 40s, some of these tasks are harder: On average we’re more easily distracted than younger people, we digest information more slowly and we’re worse at remembering specific facts. (The ability to remember names peaks in the early 20s.) You know you’re in your 40s when you’ve spent 48 hours trying to think of a word, and that word was “hemorrhoids.”

然而对大脑的研究表明在 40 来岁时，一些任务变得更难了：和年轻人相比，我们通常更容易分心，我们消化信息更慢，在记忆特定事实时我们表现更糟（记忆人名的能力在 20 来岁时达到顶峰），当你花了 48 小时试图想起 hemorrhoids 这个单词时，你明白你 40 来岁了。

But there are upsides, too. What we lack in processing power we make up for in maturity, insight and experience. We’re better than younger people at grasping the essence of situations, controlling our emotions and resolving conflicts. We’re more skilled at managing money and explaining why things happen. We’re more considerate than younger people. And, crucially for our happiness, we’re less neurotic.

但这也有好处。大脑处理能力缺乏的，我们用成熟、洞察力和经验弥补。我们比年轻人更擅长掌握事情的本质、控制自己的情绪，以及解决争端。我们更熟练于管理钱财、解释事情发生的原因。我们比年轻人更考虑周到。而且我们不那么神经质，这对我们的幸福至关重要。

Indeed, modern neuroscience and psychology confirm what Aristotle said more than 2,000 years ago when he described men in their “primes” as having “neither that excess of confidence which amounts to rashness, nor too much timidity, but the right amount of each. They neither trust everybody nor distrust everybody, but judge people correctly.”

确实，现代的神经科学和心理学确认了两千年前当亚里士多德描述男人「壮年」时所说的“既不会过度自信而草率，也不胆怯，而是两者适量兼具。既不依赖他人也不怀疑他人，而是正确地评判他人”

I agree. We’ve actually managed to learn and grow a bit. We see the hidden costs of things. Our parents have stopped trying to change us. We can tell when something is ridiculous. And other minds are finally less opaque. The seminal journey of the 40s is from “everyone hates me” to “they don’t really care.”

我同意，我们确实设法学习和成长了一些。我们能看到事情隐藏的代价，我们的父母已经不再试图改变我们，我们能识别荒谬的事情，其他人的想法终于不再捉摸不透。40 来岁的关键旅程是从 “每个人都恨我” 到 “大家其实不在乎”

Even so, the decade is confusing. We can finally decode interpersonal dynamics, but we can’t remember a two-digit number. We’re at or approaching our lifetime peak in earnings, but Botox now seems like a reasonable idea. We’re reaching the height of our careers, but we can now see how they will probably end.

即使如此，40 岁 ~ 50 岁这十年仍使人困惑。我们终于能够解析人际关系，但我们记不住两位数字。我们处于或接近人生的收入顶峰，但注射肉毒杆菌看起来是个好主意。我们达到了职业生涯的高处，但我们也能看见它将如何终结。

And this new age is strangely lacking in milestones. Childhood and adolescence are nothing but milestones: You grow taller, advance to new grades, and get your period, your driver’s license and your diploma. Then in your 20s and 30s you romance potential partners, find jobs and learn to support yourself. There may be promotions, babies and weddings. The pings of adrenaline from all these carry you forward and reassure you that you’re building an adult life.

而且这个新的阶段很奇怪地缺乏里程碑。童年和青春期不过是各种里程碑：你长高、升入新的年级、拿到驾照、获得学位。20 来岁和 30 来岁你和可能的配偶谈情说爱，找工作以及学习养活自己。可能还有晋升、孩子和婚礼。所有这些的激励支持着你前进，保证你构建成年生活。

In the 40s, we might still acquire degrees, jobs, homes and spouses, but these elicit less wonder now. The mentors and parents who used to rejoice in our achievements are preoccupied with their own declines. If we have kids, we’re supposed to marvel at their milestones. A journalist I know lamented that he’d never again be a prodigy at anything. (Someone younger than both of us had just been nominated to the United States Supreme Court.)

40 来岁时，我们可能仍会获得学位、工作、家庭和配偶，但这些不再那么让人惊艳。曾经为了我们的成就欢欣鼓舞的父母和导师现在专注于他们自己的衰退，如果我们有孩子，我们应该惊叹于他们的里程碑。我认识的一名记者哀叹任何事情上他都不再是一个天才了。

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What have we aged into? We’re still capable of action, change and 10K races. But there’s a new immediacy to the 40s — and an awareness of death — that didn’t exist before. Our possibilities feel more finite. All choices now plainly exclude others. It’s pointless to keep pretending to be what we’re not. At 40, we’re no longer preparing for an imagined future life. Our real lives are, indisputably, happening right now. We’ve arrived at what Immanuel Kant called the “Ding an sich” — the thing itself.

我们成长为了怎样的人呢？我们仍然有能力去行动、去改变、去跑十公里，但 40 岁后有一种新的紧迫感 —— 此前不存在的对死亡的察觉。我们的可能性更加有限，各种选择相互排斥，继续装腔作势已没有意义。40 岁后我们不再为了想象的未来而准备，我们真实的生活毫无疑问发生在当下，我们抵达了 Immanuel Kant 所说的「事情本身」。

Indeed, the strangest part of the 40s is that we’re now the ones attending parent-teacher conferences and cooking the turkey on Thanksgiving. These days, when I think, “Someone should really do something about that,” I realize with alarm that that “someone” is me.

确实，40 来岁最古怪的部分是现在我们成为了参加家长会和感恩节料理火鸡的人，当我在想：“某人真的应该做些什么” 的时候，我会惊觉那个「某人」就是我自己。

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I’m not thrilled about looking older. But what unsettles me most about the 40s is the implication that I’m now a grown-up myself. I fear I’ve been promoted beyond my competence. What is a grown-up anyway? Do they really exist? If so, what exactly do they know? Will my mind ever catch up with my face?

看起来更老我并不紧张，但 40 来岁最让我不安的是这意味着我现在是一名成年人了，我害怕我被推到了超过我的能力的位置。成年人到底意味着什么？他们真的存在吗？如果存在，他们具体知道些什么？我的头脑能不能赶上我的外表呢？